Uncle Bernie’s Hair was LAID at the DNC
Y’all know good and damb well that Bernie Sanders be leaving the house looking like he just got out from inside a dryer’s spin cycle. Hair be everywhichway and suit all wrinkled. He was on the campaign trail looking like you did after a particularly TURNT recess period.
But last night at the Democratic National Convention, our boy showed up with his shit together. PRAISE THE GOD OF HAIR GEL AND GOOD BRUSHES. Someone put a comb through Uncle Bernie’s hair and it was well. I mean, LOOKATGAWD. Ain’t He a good God?
His hair is fried, dyed, laid to the back and I am thankful for it. I feel like someone showed him the aisle where coconut oil is sold at Costco. Why? Because teamwork makes the dream work. Bruh looked gooder dinnamug, and he stood on that stage and took one for the team, enthusiastically endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. I was so proud of him, that I might just send him a giant tub of shea butter before we BLAXIT so he can stay moisturized. Salute, sir.
Out here looking like the calmed but formerly trouble waters under the bridge. God is good.
Chile, my Facebook friends and folks on my Awesomely Luvvie page have no chill and they were equally impressed.
Shatani: He lookin kempt as fuck!
Karin: Michelle probably did it backstage with some spit and her hand!
Ni’Shele: or maybe she used some of baracks dax
Sili: I think they might have some SheaMoisture back there #breakthewalls. Upon further inspection, it looks like his ends have finally been clipped. He’s been moisturizing. #SlickItSamson
Kymberly: He got that slick down tonight, somebody gave him a touch of that good conkaline lol
Anitra: Bernie out here using the good Eco-stylin olive oil gel cause Michelle hooked him up. Proud of wrinkly boo stepping his hair game up.
Zoohey: Bernie with the good hair
Lesle: His hair laid with that good brown gel and fished with some aqua net
Tamara: Gawd of Shadrach, Meshach Taylor, and Ampro.
Alicia: He’s got one last time in the spotlight. You know Representative Nina Turner wrestled him down and took a comb to that nest before he stepped out there.
Candace: He cowashed.
Cortney: Washed. Deep conditioned. Dab of Argan oil. Couple pumps of that good blue mousse. Wrapped. Edges tied down with white wrapping paper. 55-60 mins under hooded dryer. Dab of Biosilk. Combed down to perfection with wide toothed comb. 2 sprays of shine mist. Avoid humidity until showtime. #MyBooWasTightTonight
Brent: They must have turned off the AC like they used to do with Whitney for her voice, but this was so Bernie’s hair would sit still.
Ava: I was not expecting or prepared for his hair to look so beautiful. Even Bill Clinton looked teary eyed
Liz: Bernie combing his hair for someone is really all the endorsement I need. Ten bucks says Michelle made him do it.
Loretta: Yep, even Bernie’s hair got into formation!
Mia: Bernie got Argan Oil silky on em! Let em know, Bern! #SoulGlo
ZaKiya: When you go to visit the sistahs and they do your hair! Look at edge control
Rachael: That man looks like a post Thanksgiving dinner nap.
Kim: Uncle Bernie used those juices and berries on this day!!!
Barbara: Somebody got him a keratin treatment.
Carrie: The Lord works with Mysterious Waves.
LMAOOOOO! Everyone is ridiculous and I love them.
I am at the DNC for the rest of the week, so I’ll be bringing y’all randomness from the hall and the events! They messed around and gave your girl a credential! YES! Follow me on all social. I’m @Luvvie everywhere.
I still owe you a post on FLOTUS Michelle Obama’s AMAZING speech so I’ll be back for that.
I just love your Blog, Luvvie! Best blog ever!
Butterfly Luvvie you know he read your last post and was like Oh won’t catch a Bernie slipping for the DNC DOE.. Rolls up on Conditioner and asks “Can you feel the BERN?
I love you. I needed this today and you served it up just right. xoxoxo
But why did Cortney give us the entire hair routine?!?! I cannot but I will because I am here for it! ????????????
It is that Shea butter my sister put on him after his last blue rinse. While he was wrapped under the drier, we thought them pink ear pads were blocking…
How much do I luv you? So much! Can’t wait for your Michelle post. Love, your MDS (Melanin-Deficient Sister).
Luvvie. I love you. Criiiine and praisin’ Bern’s Perm all the way from Uganda.
Actually noticed but didn’t notice. I knew something was different about him but couldn’t figure out what it was.
Luvvie, your commentary is always right on time!
Michelle was like “Naw baby, c’mere… ” and pulled out Barack’s hair sheen she keeps handy in her purse when she needs to touch her man up for the camera.
You had me screaming out loud….guurrrlll….but ain’t it the truth. Our first lady said, “when you was running around doin’ your own thing, you could do crazy hair day every day. But, you on front street with me and the squad now. You gotta step up your A game and get that hair in formation. Malia, get me that Shea leave in cream moisturizer and that bottle of high gloss shine. Sasha, give Uncle Bernie your silk head wrap and the stiff brush”.
Not the stiff brush! Even the hairs in his ears gonna get a good does of Act Right now!
Not ear hair! #CRINE
Damn, you’ll got me over here hollering and wiping tears off my face!! LOL!!
I don’t know the last time I laughed that hard. Oh wait, yes I do, when I was reading the comments to your Blaxit post. (Not gonna lie, I’m still somewhat bitter you’re leaving Stacey Dash and taking Sting.) What I find on your website actually makes me feel sane in this sea of crazy our country has become.
And as for the spiffed up version of Uncle Bernie, my money’s on MO. You know there wasn’t any way she was going to let him go out there looking like the before version of What Not To Wear.
I thought Uncle Bernie was on the COPE list to be approved for a #Blaxit pass.
He found the butters!
LMAO this post was hilarious!! especially the “routines” of having Bernie’s hair get in formation -LOL
As a fellow Chosen Person, I can testify that our people owe your people a great debt when it comes to hair care. If #Blaxit ever happens, we’re all going to have to start shaving our heads if you don’t take us with you.
Or at least leave us some butters and argan oil. Please, I’m begging you. I’m not proud.
This has me in the giggles…..
Candace: He cowashed.
I wanna know who backstage hookin’ folks up at the DNC. Errybody lookin’ gooder dinnamug! Y’all see Donna Brazile? She was looking like she is bathing in shea butter and baby pee erryday. Hillary had her hair feather combed for the GAWDS!
My Bern got himself some DevaCurl. Finally! Was waiting all primary season for that to happen. Also, #imwithSaffron on this one.
DevaCurl: transforming the Jewish community, one fro at a time.