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Another Wack Awards Show: The VMAs

So as always, I had to watch another awards show, just to once again be disappointed. Eh, I think that now, bad award shows are part of my annual routine. My year is not complete without seeing at least one badly produced, performed or attended show. On that token, you can say the VMAs completed my year. It was 3 hours of my life that I can’t get back. There are definitely better things I could have done in those 3 hours. These include:

  • Ate a FULL 7-course meal that included a wine and a cheese course (If I was in France)
  • Watched the Color Purple on DVD (me and this movie, us NEVA part!)
  • Mastered the lost art of geometric proofs (by lost, I mean it leaked out my brain after high school)
  • Solved 3 very difficult Sudoku puzzles
  • Bored-BabyWrote a 15 page paper with complete annotated bibliography and works cited page. About Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing”.
  • Watch grass grow
  • Took the red line train from one side of the city to the other and back again (Howard to 95th back to

Either way, I watched. And of course I have questions.

**How old is John Norris?? Seriously, this dude has been a VJ for as long as I can remember. I can’t imagine he’d be qualified to do much else now. I’m sure his grandkids have to be mad that he is still on MTV. They probably get picked on everyday at recess ’bout how PopPop still has frosted tips.

**Was I entertained by Russell Brand‘s hair, accent, or him? I haven’t seen teased hair like that on anyone since Cyndi Lauper was a pop star. It was impressive. And his accent is so charming that no matter what he said, it sounded intelligent.

**Why was Christina Aguilera‘s makeup so heavy? I woulda sworn she was of a different ethnicity. She looked like a human Bratz Doll.

**Why was Ciara‘s hair hat so cheap looking? CiCi, you make too much money for your wig to look like you took it off the mannequin at the “Beauty House”.

**Was Rihanna‘s set so elaborate to distract us from her subpar singing ability? Well it worked, because I could not tell you how she sounedd. I was too busy distracted by the 100 zombie dancers, the leather, and the overall lack of entertainment. No doubt about it. She is FIERCE but her voice is like a drowning cat.

**Why was Pete Wentz wearing a button up turtleneck? I promise, his collared shirt touched his chin. It looked like his shirt was slowly eating his head. Fashion icon he is not.

*Did The Jonas Brothers really just jank the Sesame Street set for their performance? I really thought Oscar the Grouch was gonna pop up next to them swaying to the music. Plus, when all those Tweens bum-rushed their stage, I je Street stairs makes not a performance. Gathering all tweens. Braces are chattering errwhere

**Pink is still mad huh? We get it; you’re a rebel. Your cause?? No one knows.

**When did it become okay for grown men to wear colored skinny jeans? Lil Wayne, your stylist (or you) needs more people. Fire whoever let you go onstage with that ensemble?

**Did Britney Spears make anyone else’s night? Supervision has been good to her, and she looked almost like the old self. Remember the pre-K-Fed, pre-shaved head Britney? Well we saw a glimpse of her today, and I was actually happy to see her. But…

***How did Britney win 3 VMA Awards, especially Video of the Year? This is where I call “Flag on the play! Penalty: MTV fire the producers!!” I realize we want to support Britney, but giving her a trio of sympathy awards is not it. I was so confused like “Did she release an album, and I missed it She had a video? What? What year is this??” Not that this would be impossible, since I’m not much of a fan. But still… 3 awards, huh MTV? *EXTREME SIDE-EYE*

**Where was the Black Star Power?? There was a gaping hole with the absense of Beyonce, Alicia Keys and Usher.

With that being said, the MTV VMA Awards was a BORE! I yawned more times than I could count. I even had a long phone conversation and returned to it and realized that I hadn’t missed anything. WOMP.

Oh if you missed it, you only have 5,839,045 other chances to see it. *Sigh* The Awards aftermath will be painful as it is repeated every hour on the hour.

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  1. Monk
    September 8, 2008 at 6:55 am

    I purposely missed it for the same reason you cited – recent award shows has lost it’s luster. I figure I’d check out the highlights online today and see if it’s worth watching in it’s entirety.

    I did hear audio from the host on the radio this morning taking a swipe at Sarah Palin and I thought that was kinda funny. I heard about Brittany’s THREE muafuggin’ awards and that really discourages me from watching the show (or ANY more of MTV’s award shows).

    BTW, I got a huge laugh from the visual of John Norris’ grandkids’ classmates making fun of him. Even his grown KIDS probably get teased at their jobs…LMAO!!

  2. Gigi
    September 8, 2008 at 7:02 am

    Poor Jamie Foxx tried to hype the crowd. I Tivoed(is that a word?) the VMAs and flipped to Entourage.

  3. J.R. Bernard
    September 8, 2008 at 8:38 am

    I’m surprised you didn’t comment only collaborative performance that could be worse than ‘T-Wayne’, which was Lil Wayne and Kid Rock.

    And Rihanna was feelin’ a certain kind of bold during her performance with T.I. I definitely wasn’t complaining though…

  4. Anonymous
    September 8, 2008 at 8:51 am

    Funny commentary.

  5. Joe Maldonado
    September 8, 2008 at 9:42 am

    Ife, you are the new Joan Rivers
    -Joe M

  6. King James
    September 8, 2008 at 11:04 am

    I was thinking the same thing about Britney… Aren’t they the ones who put her on stage not too long ago and she was looking a crazy?

    Same thing with Kanye.. he gets to go last so he won’t bad mouth them in public… losers.

    hm… I missed your comment about Christina.. I gotta go back and read. She looked horrible.. it was the clothes.

  7. Will
    September 8, 2008 at 11:05 am

    Kanye looked like Marvin Gaye singing the Stars Spangled Banner at the NBA All-Star game in the 80s!

  8. JunePearl
    September 8, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    You need to add a *This Blog Is So Funny It’s Not Safe For Work* sticky to the top. Because I kept holding in my laughter hoping my boss wouldn’t hear me busting out!

    Now, you know I’ve grown tired of MTV/BET vapidity. But why did I not know John Norris was still there?! For real?! Was hasn’t he gotten a promotion? That is almost as sad as the tight shirts he’s probably wearing…not the biz.

    Side note: I saw Sway with his little Swaylettes at Fort Greene Park the other day. He was with his family, so folks left him alone. But it was a nice “celebrity” sighting.

  9. im_da_sweetest
    September 9, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    Lawd Ham mercy.if that wasn’t the most boring ish that’s hit the TV in the last 5 years I don’t what is…. The most entertaing part… OK OTHER THAN THE UNKNOWN BRIT HOST CLOWING PALIN, and BUSH… were the hilarious blogs like this who put nall the winning losers on blast!!

  10. Eb the Celeb
    September 9, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Everyone is blogging about how terrible they were… I was engulfed in football so I missed all of it… and from the reviews I wont even bother myself with watching it one of the million times they will air it again before the year is over.

  11. Matt
    September 9, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    yeah…I agree…

    Its obvious MTV has no shame.

    and they also accept bribes.

    I’m not saying that Britney actually blew someone in order to receive an award or two…

    I’m just saying it’s highly likely.

  12. January 16, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    […] VMAs were WACK – Award shows have been sooo horrible lately, and VMAs was no different. […]